08
To be honest with ya, I’ve been fortunate to meet some great people in my life. From awesome teachers and professors to great fellow students and coworkers. From grade school all the way up to today. With the advent of Facebook, people who I have known for over 40 years have reconnected with me. Some of these people grew up in the same neighborhood that I did. Some of them I met in elementary school through high school, and some I worked with. But even though I don’t have that many “friends”, the ones I do have hold special memories for me. But I have one friend who is not here. I lost him in junior high school. His name was Chuck.
In my area of the planet, when you graduate from elementary school, you go to a junior high school that brings kids together from a fairly wide area of the city. So for me, I met new people at Lemon Grove Jr. High. One of those people was Chuck. He was a year older than I was, but we hit it off immediately!
I don’t know if Chuck was gay but he had effeminate characteristics. It didn’t matter to me, I just liked him. He was one of those people who always had a smile on his face and made you feel good. He was smart and funny and you liked to be around him. He had lots of friends and EVERYONE knew him. If you need a visual of what Chuck was like, picture Jack McFarland from Will and Grace, MINUS the narcissism! I remember dancing with him at the school dances and laughing with him in passing in the halls in between classes. He was one of those people who you thought would be successful if only on his personality alone.
Yeah, I remember people saying he was “gay” or calling him a “fag” on many occasions, but it seemed to roll of his back. I don’t know the extent of any physical bullying, but since it was the late 70′s, I wouldn’t doubt that it didn’t happen to Chuck. Again, because he was funny, he was always able to turn torment into laughter. He just had that knack!
The summer after the 7th grade, when we came back to school, the school was hit with the news. Chuck had committed suicide. Many people speculated that he got tired of being harassed, both in his neighborhood or at home and at school because of his “feminine ways.” Either way it was a huge blow to me. I didn’t know what a “Lesbian” was, but I knew I liked girls. And I knew I was “different”, just like Chuck. Chuck was the first of 8 suicides of people that I knew personally. Not ” a friend of a friend” but people I cared about. People who for whatever reason, we connected. On a spiritual level.
With the rash of teen suicides in the last month, at least nine if I count correctly, Chuck has come rushing back to me. That nine teenagers, who haven’t really had the chance to enjoy life, are no longer here. That they saw no other outlet for the bullying except to commit suicide. And that the torment Chuck went through is now global. And how you can be humiliated and have it seen by millions of people, in seconds. Little did I know, I would face something similar myself.
At San Diego City College, there was a rumor that I was a lesbian. No one ever said they saw me with another woman. No one ever said they saw me do anything with any women. What was said is that I “looked” at other women. YUP, that was my crime! Not like Jack Tripper used to look at Chrissy, Janet, and Terry, just looked at them. And I endured semesters of whispers, murmurs, and pointing. And should someone not have known about my “crime”, it was quickly brought to their attention. Luckily for me, most of the people who were “told about me” didn’t seem to care. They continued to talk to me and it didn’t matter. But yes, there were times when I didn’t want to go to class. And times where I was ready to toss people off of the second floor of the building we were on. But I was in my mid twenties and saw the bigger picture. And the fact that I was usually one of the people who always “fucked up the curve”, I was able to get my revenge that way! No one had the balls to come up to my face and say anything. But the murmurs and other crap were aggravating just the same.
Fast forward to the late 90′s. I had enrolled in a Paralegal course at the University of San Diego. I figured it was a fresh start. No one would know me there I was sure. I had been out of school at least five years. Certainly I wouldn’t have to worry about that now. WRONG! Someone in a class remembered me and while there were less whispers and murmurs, suddenly I got a different vibe in a couple of my GE legal classes. Didn’t matter, I still passed the course with flying colors. My point? I know how these young people felt. And I can tell you it didn’t and still doesn’t feel good! I think being older, it allowed me to handle it better.
I wish Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, Asher Brown, Billy Lucas, Justin Aaberg, Caleb Nolt, Harrison Chase Brown, Cody J. Barker, and Raymond Chase, could have waited until they got out of school. Because in the grand scheme of life, your high and/or college years are a small part of who you are as a person. Many of those people will be forgotten and will go on to live miserable lives. I wish they were able to see that there was NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM! That the bullies who were making their lives miserable were just as miserable and used them to feel better about themselves. And that some of those bullies are also struggling with their own sexuality which is why they lash out at them!
The two college students at Rutgers who thought it would be funny to videotape Tyler kissing or having sex with a man, Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei, should be charged with a crime. I’m at a loss as to what they were hoping to gain my taping Tyler having sex. And while I’m sure they wish they “hadn’t done it”, I think the regret has more to do with them being in legal trouble and NOTHING to do with Tyler! And yeah, their “lives are ruined”, at least they have a life to ruin. A brilliantly talented young man is no longer here. And they are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for it!
If kids are forced to go to school, with threats of juvenile hall, fines, or in some cases, parents being arrested and taken to court, then schools have a responsibility to make sure students are safe. And the old “kids will be kids” or “all kids bully or were bullied” should no longer be tolerated. The consequences of bullying is now a life or death decisions. And I saw this outcome 30 years ago. With a great guy named Chuck!
Follow Imnotfeelingit on Twitter
Comments
To my daughter the author of the above article I would like to apologize for not knowing that some of the bullying you and your brother suffered from was not all about our weight problem, No one should have to go along with being hurt without support from your parent. You both have grown up to be bright honest loving people and I am proud to be your mom.
Add A Comment